Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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