we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
