So drunk its hurt
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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