someone threw a dead crab at me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
