i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
