All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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