here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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