so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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