Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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