ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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