You just made me feel so damn special
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
