Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
