also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
