We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
