Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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