Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
