Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
