Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
