there's paper in my vomit.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
