guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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