just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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