Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
