Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
