Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
