I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
