I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
