i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
