Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
