We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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