Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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