Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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