drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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