I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
