he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
