finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
