guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
