I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Im part way to drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
