somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
