I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I see more hoeing in ur future
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
