I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
