And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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