Can Purell be used as lube?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
