Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nutella sex= disaster
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
