I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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