I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
