If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
