last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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