just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
