I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
