Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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