If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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